I had my first Jdate today. E and I met for brunch near Adam's Morgan. I wasn't sure if I would be attracted to E, but I thought I would give it a try.
I wore my "go to" during the day fall/winter outfit: a navy and white deep v-neck blouse with a white cami underneath, good-butt boot cut jeans, and brown high healed boots (worn under the jeans). I straightened my hair, put time into my make-up and headed to the metro.
E got to the restaurant a little early in order to put our names in.... which was good because it took almost an hour to get a table! I was starving and it was cold outside, but thankfully the sun came out to help keep us warm while we waited.
I feel I should mention that I am a pretty good first date. I've only ever had one truly horrible awful first date (Blue Monkey guy... story will follow in another post). I am very good at facilitating conversation and am very good at conveying interest (even if my feelings are luke warm). So with that said, I also have the concern that I'm leading guys on. I have had many guys tell me that our date has been the best online date that they have ever been on... but unfortunately I usually cannot say the same. In my online dating experience, I have had 3 dates where I would consider our first date to be truly wonderful. Most recently, that would be with The Atheist. Other ones included Mr. Not-So-Fine and Mr. Medschool (perhaps they will come up in future posts, we'll see). What constitutes a truly wonderful first date, you ask? Well, one where I do not want it to end. With the Atheist, we met for dinner and we were both having so much fun, we were not ready for it to end and proceeded to drinks afterwards. The only reason the date ended when it did was because it was a work night and it was getting late. Mr. Medschool and I had a sushi lunch for our first date followed by a walk around a pond. I canceled tentative plans with a friend I was having so much fun and only had to end the date when I was approaching dinner reservations with my grandparents. And with Mr. Not-So-Fine, we had brunch, followed by walking around Crate &Barrel. We ended up sitting on a couch in Crate&Barrel chatting for 2-3 hours. Anyways, sorry for the tangent, back to my date with E...
The First Impression: E is a tall and slender guy. I believe he was accurate on his profile stating his height at 6'1". His pictures were pretty accurate too. He has a bit of an Adrian Brody look (the actor from "The Pianist" and "King Kong") with short brown hair and brown eyes, a prominent nose, and long narrow face. E is clearly fit, although with clothes on he simply looks skinny. As we were waiting outside for our table, his nose was a bit runny to where some snot was pooling at the tip of his nose. It took all my restraint and grace to not point it out and ask him to wipe his damn nose!! E has an amazing job that he clearly loves and showed a lot of maturity and self discipline as well as a strong work ethic. All positives that made up for the drippy nose.
I found out within the first 5 minutes of meeting E that we have mutual friends. One of which being his childhood best friend. This is when E first demonstrated some awkwardness and I noticed how nervous he was. Once he realized his child best friend and I knew each other and had once made super tentative plans to play tennis, he became super worried that he was stepping on his friend's toes; that his friend had been trying to get with me. I assured him that was not the case at all, but he still asked a few times and expressed worry that he and his friend might be going for the same girl. (Dude, even if that was the case: Internal dialogue. No need to share these thoughts with me!)
After an hour wait we finally made it to the table. Once seated, E demonstrated some additional awkwardness that might be due to his nerves. E decides he has a question for me, but phrases it in such a way that I could not help but feel a bit uncomfortable. E starts out by saying "So, I know this is really awkward and strange to bring up on a first date..." And I could tell by his face that he was already regretting bringing this up. He continues "This is awkward, I shouldn't bring it up... Okay, well because I already started..." At this point I am wondering if he is going to ask me to dine and ditch or if I have food in my teeth or maybe my nose is now the drippy one? He finally gets to his point,"I've always wanted to live in Europe or another country for a year. I know it's a weird question to bring up on a first date, but is that something you would be interested in or open to?" Seriously, E? That was your super awkward unacceptable first date question? If you had simply brought up travel in conversation and then asked, "would you ever live in another country for a year?" you would have gotten your answer and it wouldn't have been awkward at all. And it wouldn't have seemed like you were already picturing marrying me and living in France or Germany together. To make matters worse, after answering the question and steering our conversation in a different direction, E keeps apologizing! After numerous "no worries" and "it's not a big deal!" I finally told E, "E, it's okay.
Move on."
Finally, my own personal tell tale sign that I was not that interested: I had tentative plans to catch a movie with my neighbor, tentative as I did not know how my date was going to go. When it was time to make a decision, my choice was easily made. I was ready for the date to be over. I went to the bathroom and texted my friend to let her know we would be able to catch the movie. When I got back to the table and let E know that I needed to head out shortly he did the one thing that I truly do not like: he put me on the spot and said "I had a great time, I'd love to do this again. What does your schedule look like next week?" Thankfully, I truly do have a busy week coming up and was able to say that I needed to check my schedule. I hate being asked in person if I want another date. I mean I guess if the date goes really well on my side, then it's fine, but no matter how I feel, I can't help but say "Sure!" or "I'd love to!" even when I really do not see it happening.
Normally, after a first date, if I am not interested I will simply not respond when the guy texts me. However, since E and I did share some mutual friends, I felt a response would be the polite way to go. I ended things with this:
Onto the next one...
